Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Phenial T. Hawk

On Rt. 53, just west of Research Park Drive, there was a hawk that sat on the power lines and poles and watch the traffic. We'd see him almost every time we went to the cabin and would always look for him. We named him Phenial T. (for The) Hawk, because he looked like a finial on top of the poles. I was looking for him this morning when I suddenly saw a dead hawk in the middle of the road. "Oh, God, NO!"

I kept looking, but did not see Phenial. We drove on in silence. About a half mile down the road, we saw a small hawk sitting on top of a power pole. We named him Phenial.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hanging in there

Mike has finished 7 sessions of chemo. We have 5 more to go. Each time is worse than the time before. He's lost a lot, but not all, of his hair; keeps getting very bad thrush; and is sicker each time. The biggest problem is that he has a hard time accepting that he can't do what he's always done. He tries to do too much, then makes himself sicker.

A couple of weeks ago, he insisted on working on a food plot he's putting in for the deer at our cabin in Tennessee. When he came in he looked scary horrible. After some salt and water and sitting in a chair for awhile he got a bit better. When we went in for chemo the next week we learned that his port had broken and a 5" piece of catheter was stuck in his heart. They had to go in thru his groin to his heart and fish it out. Then he had a picc line for awhile and now has a new port.

My weight loss is effortless. I'm down over 90 lbs now. Neither one of us really wants to eat.

As a reward to myself for losing so much I bought a Majacraft Saxonie from a woman on Ravelry. When it arrived, it was just placed in a box with a couple of sheets of styrofoam on each side. Of course it was horribly broken. Majacraft doesn't make that wheel anymore, but the wonderful people at Majacraft are making me a new drive wheel (the big wheel on the spinning wheel). I'm so grateful. Mike says he can fix the rest of the damage to the wheel.

Good things: I bought new pants yesterday in a size I wore 35 years ago. I'm buying pretty underwear again (instead of old lady underwear). I can hook my own bra in the back. Walking feels good. The cabin looks great (it's been painted, got a new road and the new porch is almost finished). I've learned to blend fibers with my wool combs and it's really pretty. My 6-month labs came in and I'm normal (no more diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol). We're over half way done with the chemo.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hard times

My arm was recovering nicely; I was going to therapy and doing well. Mike finally agreed to a colonoscopy and went in on March 12 - and they found that he has colon cancer. They immediately checked him into the hospital and operated that afternoon. He's now taking chemotherapy. He's doing well, and trying not to be a burden, but it's hard on him. And he has no one to vent to except me. NO ONE has come to visit him since he got out of the hospital. His older son and daughter-in-law were wonderful while he was in the hospital - and I don't know what I would have done without them. But since then it's been just me.

I'm trying to manage, but it's really more than I can handle. My parents (who live across town and are primarily helped by my brother and sister-in-law) are almost 95. Dad's heart is failing; Mom just had a mini-stroke. My beloved cat is very sick. My stomach hurts all the time, I can't sleep. Yesterday I got out for a few minutes and went shopping. I just wandered from store to store and didn't care about anything. My doctor has put me on Lexapro (an antidepressant) and I know I'm depressed, but it made me sick. I don't have time to be sick right now. I'm not taking it.

Last night was very bad. I don't think Mike slept at all, I didn't sleep much. He's super grumpy this AM. I'm just trying to stay calm and keep remembering what he's going through and that this is not about me.

But I really was not physically prepared for this. But I just gotta do what I gotta do.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Surgery Junkie

I've been busy.

In early October Mike and I went to California to visit Sarah. I had hoped to lose some weight before the trip. I didn't. I gained weight.

When I got home I went to another seminar on weight loss surgery and decided that I had no other options. I was taking handfuls of drugs morning and night and was tired of it. I had surgery on December 14 and immediately stopped drugs for diabetes and cholesterol. My CPAP has been reduced from level 14 to level 10. My blood pressure meds have been cut in half and will probably be discontinued. On the other hand, I'm taking vitamins 5 times a day (when I remember).

I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. He had me stand against a wall and stick out my arms. Then he said, "Do this." I right arm couldn't do "that." So back to the orthopedic surgeon to get my shoulder looked at (I did know that there was something wrong with the shoulder because I couldn't stand for Mike to touch it at night). Early Feb I had my shoulder operated on. The Dr. removed a 1/2" bone spur, repaired the rotator cuff (where the bone spur had been sawing away on it), removed most of the bursa (which had grown huge), and sawed off the end of my collarbone (because he could?). Shoulder therapy is brutal. I can't believe I have to pay someone to hurt me so much. But the pain meds are GREAT.