Hard times

My arm was recovering nicely; I was going to therapy and doing well. Mike finally agreed to a colonoscopy and went in on March 12 - and they found that he has colon cancer. They immediately checked him into the hospital and operated that afternoon. He's now taking chemotherapy. He's doing well, and trying not to be a burden, but it's hard on him. And he has no one to vent to except me. NO ONE has come to visit him since he got out of the hospital. His older son and daughter-in-law were wonderful while he was in the hospital - and I don't know what I would have done without them. But since then it's been just me.

I'm trying to manage, but it's really more than I can handle. My parents (who live across town and are primarily helped by my brother and sister-in-law) are almost 95. Dad's heart is failing; Mom just had a mini-stroke. My beloved cat is very sick. My stomach hurts all the time, I can't sleep. Yesterday I got out for a few minutes and went shopping. I just wandered from store to store and didn't care about anything. My doctor has put me on Lexapro (an antidepressant) and I know I'm depressed, but it made me sick. I don't have time to be sick right now. I'm not taking it.

Last night was very bad. I don't think Mike slept at all, I didn't sleep much. He's super grumpy this AM. I'm just trying to stay calm and keep remembering what he's going through and that this is not about me.

But I really was not physically prepared for this. But I just gotta do what I gotta do.